Why Do I Believe?

by Jessica Barajas

 

I had a Catholic upbringing

Met my husband through Catholic match

I watch Catholic YouTube channels

I go to Catholic Mass

 

Although this faith has become

A large part of my identity

It’s easy to forget

the why of my belief

 

My eyes glaze over in Mass

I go through prayer-less weeks

Habitual sins become routine

While my conscience nags at me

 

I fall prey to the plague of indifference

That holds our culture ransom

The one that says “this is all there is”

“enjoy it, live for fun”

 

So, from time to time,

I must stop and think

Why exactly is Catholicism

what I believe?

 

I am a girl who loves questions

And answers even more

Especially those given through logic

and evidence, and proof galore

 

I believe because I need answers

Based on more than myth or legend

Why am I here?  What’s it all for?

When I die, what will happen?

 

It’s illogical to claim

That the earth came out of nothing

The statistical odds of a life-giving planet

Demands the truth that there was something

 

A something with no start or end

With infinite creativity

Intelligent and powerful

That enabled our humanity

 

Such a thing no one could fathom

With a universe between

Unless it wished to visit

And reveal the mystery

 

Of all the world religions

It is only Christianity

That claims this something we call GOD

Came with answers from eternity

 

In person He arrived

By the name of Jesus Christ

Setting Calendars to zero

He lived no normal life

 

This man claimed he was Son of God

With power to forgive

He proved his words with miracles

And said through him we could live

 

His works were seen by thousands

blind men saw, dead men rose,

Dozens of prophecies fulfilled

These things could not have been a hoax

 

Jesus did and said so much

That has led me to believe

That the Catholic Church is Gods design

To bring us to eternity

 

Jesus said this is my body

He said this is my blood

For this it is the Eucharist

That best unites us with his love

 

The keys he gave to Peter

The first of many popes and priests

To him and his successors

He gave authority.

 

Who’s sins they forgive

Through the power of Christ

Jesus said they’d be forgiven

Thus confession must be right

 

This early church of Jesus

With Peter at the helm

Formed scripture and tradition

To guide us in this realm

 

God chose to give us answers

To those who care to ask

Through flesh and blood and history

He offers one true path

 

I choose to follow this one Man

And the Church he came to start

For His claims are backed by evidence

And His answers have claimed my heart

 

This belief was not just handed to me

I studied and I questioned

My conclusions are complexly informed

and here can’t all be mentioned

 

I just need sometimes

As many do

To remind myself

Of what is true

Upward Spiral

 

 

Upward Spiral

Round and round

Rising, falling

Up and down

 

A joy filled life

So full of faith

I know my purpose

I’m on my way

 

I envision a path

So simple and straight

The destination is holy

So, this path I will take

 

But the longer I travel

The more I suspect

That the path is not straight

It’s cyclical, and complex

 

I’m climbing a hill

Then temptation sets in

And a downward slide

Starts to begin

 

At first so small

Judgmental glance

Being called to help

But dismissing the chance

 

Distractions abound

Emotions take charge

The need for attention

Grows so large

 

This desire to please

to receive, to achieve

This selfish perspective

Will I ever be free?

 

So downward I curve

Caught up in the moment

Routine taking over

Faith not a component

 

Still happy and busy

But what is this weight?

Priorities slipping

Until it’s too late

 

Intentional sin

Though I’m fully aware

Of the right thing to do

I simply don’t care

 

I act in my interest

Gratification is swift

Faith isn’t tangible

So, nothings amiss

 

But something inside

Cries out from my soul

Latches onto my heart

And begins to pull

 

My conscience grows bolder

Till it can’t be denied

I admit I am slipping

Down the slope of lies

 

The process is painful

My pride is subdued

I will have to surrender

For my soul to be renewed

 

I drag myself there

Force on humility

“Bless me father for I have sinned”

I am down on my knees

 

I lay it all out

Confess to my wrongs

Penance. Absolution.

Forgiveness so strong

 

My conscience can rest

As the spiraling curve

Springs me up to a peak

That I do not deserve

 

Looking out on the path

Renewed and elated

I see one more completed spiral

My soul satiated

 

As the pattern continues

I reflect on the past

And see slow upward progress

On my spiraling path

 

Though this way is exhausting

With constant falls and repentance

It must be God’s design

To reward faith’s perseverance.

Fragile Human

 

Fragile human

Kneeling down

Spirit weary

Crease in brow

 

Mouthing words

That no one hears

Hidden pain

Takes form in tears

 

Fragile human

Head is bowed

Praying for comfort

Silence so loud

 

Listening hard

For any reply

An answer, a message

From something divine

 

No voice can be heard

Then out of the blue

An image, a feeling

Of something more true

 

An embrace from above

Warm and pure

Fragile human encompassed

In love so sure

 

Not an audible voice

But a feeling within

Says “you are enough,

Please let me in.”

 

This embrace is not human

Not fragile or fleeting

Its ABBA himself

It is love overwhelming

 

Prayers of many collide

Giving God’s love this form

An embrace from above

Fragile human adorned.

 

— By Jessica Barajas